I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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