Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
