wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You smell like stripper and shame
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
