dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
