she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
