I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
