I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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