Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
