Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
