Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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