You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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