We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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