There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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