We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
