She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
