so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
