i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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