Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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