I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize