Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
