C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
