i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
