Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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