A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
