that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You made out with two different species that night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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