We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
