living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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