Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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