Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
