this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
