Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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