i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I will be naked everywhere
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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