hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
