dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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