What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
