next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
