Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
