every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
