Im at strip club and am horny
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize