theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
