i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
