All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
