I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
