I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
