He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
