# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
