I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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