happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
