So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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