the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
