The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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