her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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