4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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