Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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