Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm at about main and main street
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
