She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
