Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
