just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
