I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
