Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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