i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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