i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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