Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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