its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
