$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
