That's intense
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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