My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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