just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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